Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
