atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
