Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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