i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
