I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
