he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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