I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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