I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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