My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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