Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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