I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
