He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
