My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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