Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
