its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
