im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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