sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
