I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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