Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
