Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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