At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
