I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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