my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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