I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
