...so i touched it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
