i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
