I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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