He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
