On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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