I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did i walk over a car last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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