Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
