apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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