haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
