we're blogging at a bar
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
