I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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