they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
