Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
