this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
