i think i have herpe
just one?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
