you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
