I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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