Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
