sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You may now shotgun with the bride
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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