Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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