Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
