time to smoke my breakfast
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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