So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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