Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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