so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
