Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
