I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
