no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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