May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Less talking, more tequila
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
