Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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