Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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