there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
