What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
