You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
