You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
even my farts smell like vagina
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
