You made me cry and you don't even care
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
