If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
