we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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