Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
